remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize