how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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