i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I am naked and annoyed.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
