So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
