so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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