Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
