Yo dont text me then not text me
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
