Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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