remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
