Don't make out with my wife yet
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
