Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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