it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
