normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
