how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
