Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
