It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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