You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
