I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
