so explain again why im purple
no
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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