is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
