It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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