I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
