Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
