I'm going to jail i love you
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
