Im at strip club and am horny
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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