I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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