you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
