Jerry, you need to find god
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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