Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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