I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
