dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
