im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
