She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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