Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize