All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
