for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize