proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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