this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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