Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
