My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
