You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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