you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I am mentally ready for anal.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
