I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
