So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
