i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
