Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
