My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
