we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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