Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
