Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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