My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Randomize
