i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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