Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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