Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just invented taco cereal.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
