I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
