so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
