$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
