she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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