Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
