I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
you had me at cake vodka
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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