Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
