I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
