very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
