I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
