Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
