you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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