Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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