Only a mothe r could love this liver
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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