cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
