dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he puts the penis in happiness.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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