I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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