Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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