do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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