Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
