My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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