Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
