you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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