my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
