Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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