My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
