did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize