so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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