I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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