I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
