just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
