i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
