everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize