watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
