why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
