Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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