He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
