Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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