At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize